Is this strange?

As I explained in a previous question, I told of my suppression of my urges to cry. The only reason I feel I can't cry is because I feel like "they" would win, but the truth is, I don't even know who "they" are. I think of them as people who get their sadistic pleasures in my tears, and also that I am showing a great sign of weakness. I know that it's normal for people to cry, and it's unhealthy to surpress it, but these thoughts have been keeping me from releasing these tears. Is that really strange? Who you think "they" are?